Conan O'Brien Quotes

I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.

Comedy always pushes some buttons, because it wouldn't be comedy if it didn't.

The women who inspired this play deserved to be smacked across the head with a meat ax and that, I flatter myself, is exactly what I smacked them with.

It was exactly the same on the South Park movie really too. There's lots of violence in that too, but it always came down to anything sexual... They don't care about anything else.

My favourite game is Postal because it is so politically incorrect.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

When you make 'The Daily Show', it's usually not for a laurel, it's for a dart.

We didn’t sell out our last concert. We’ve got to get the John Birch Society to attack us before the next concert.

I just write and do what I think is funny. Sometimes, you do have it in your head about certain bits. There are certain jokes where I know if I did them in certain situations, it would irk people. There are times where I look at the news and see a story going on, and I'm like, 'Wow, if I tweeted this, I would get press if I wanted to.'

Satire, whether it be satire or not, everything has to have boundaries.

I always feel that comedy, at its best, tackles issues that are controversial, polarizing, volatile, and sheds light onto those issues and the people involved.

I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

I enjoy upsetting the right people. I love poking fun at earnest censors. I want to push the bounds of what can be said on the Internet.

People who like my stuff and know what my agenda is have never mistaken me for being racist or poking fun at the wrong thing.

People go, 'Oh, Trump must be good for comedy,' and I go, 'Ehhh.'

'UnREAL' has always been provocative and bitingly honest, which makes the show what it is.

I want to write the reparations joke that makes people go, 'Yay! I'm so happy!' It's easy to go onstage and just make fun of all the 'isms' instead, but we can't all be Jeff Dunham. Although that pays very well... it pays way better to be Jeff Dunham than it ever paid to be George Carlin or Lenny Bruce.

If the front-page news is a comedian doing a joke that people think is naughty, that proves there's no real news that day, does it not?

No one who hired Siegfried & Roy was shocked when they brought a tiger onstage. So you shouldn't be shocked if you book a comedian and she points out that the emperor has no clothes.

I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the hot seat, my mere existence is clearly insult enough.

Satire recoils whenever charged too high; round your own fame the fatal splinters fly.

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

From the start, I've always admired Eminem's thinking. That's the reason I wanted to appear on the Grammys with him when I was asked. Eminem has the balls to say what he feels and to make offensive things funny. That's very necessary today in America, with people being muzzled and irony becoming a lost art. Artists like Eminem who use their free speech to get a point across are vitally important. There just aren't many people in the world with balls that big and talent that awesome.

Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden's death. They want to call it "Martyr's Sea." Please, hiding in your bedroom for six years with the blinds closed? How about "Chicken of the Sea?