Jimmy Fallon Quotes

As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

Satire is fascinating stuff. It's deadly serious, and when politics begin to break down, there is a drift towards satire, because it's the only thing that makes any sense.

From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

When Rush Limbaugh says I'm not a scientist, I'm charmed - I smirk.

Bad times for the Republic are great times for satire.

I never met a politician that I couldn’t take a poke at.

We make fun of our leaders.

I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.

Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump.

Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this will come out. We certainly hope it comes out fine; blah, blah.' Cartoonists don't go that way. Our job is to stick out our tongues, to show a big raspberry to whatever pompous jerk happens to be mouthing off.

The president already has a Nobel Prize for peace. I think he's shooting for one in fiction.

By the way, I have trouble listening to what [Cheney] says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he’s talking, but my response is this: he’s just angry because the president doesn’t shoot old men in the face. But by the way, when he was done speaking, did he just then turn into a bat and fly away?

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

When you make 'The Daily Show', it's usually not for a laurel, it's for a dart.

I'm accused of, and perhaps rightly so, of not being mean enough. I've been taken to task in many a book review; a good satirist has to, you know, has to kill.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own.

First Lady sounds like the name of a race horse.

As to your extraordinary code of laws, I cannot help but laugh.

[Addressing Robert Peel, 1788-1850:] The Right Honorable Gentleman's smile is like the silver fittings on a coffin.

Ridicule is more powerful than any argument.

We all joke about Bush. You go to a meeting and just say “Bush” and everyone will laugh.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.