Doug Stanhope Quotes

This is the way I look when I'm sober. That's enough to make a person drink, wouldn't you say?

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.'

What holds you back in comedy is fear.

You get into comedy because you are insecure, and you communicate with the world through comedy to sort of alleviate the tension of those insecurities and to find a way to make people like you other than the way you look or how good you are at sports. I don't think that really goes away.

I'm not a funny person.

I don't think people think I'm funny, but in my head, I'm like, 'I am!'

I never thought I was funny.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.

I feel more confident in being able to be funny if I'm comfortable with the people I'm around. When you're friends with them, it just makes it all the better. Plus, shooting a movie, you're sitting on your ass for hours at a time, so if you have somebody there to mess around with and have fun, then it's great.

I never thought I was funny. I don't THINK funny.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?

I've never been funny. I don't think I'm funny. People say I'm funny. I go, 'No. No. I'm not.' But again, knowing what it means to film on a TV show and on film, you have to repeat, repeat, repeat. You have to do the same thing a number of times if you're filming a sequence. And to carry that energy in a comedic mode, would be a challenge that I really would frightfully scared, but I'd have to buck up and pull up my bootstraps and say, 'I can do this. Let's figure it out.'

A lot of times what's satisfying to me in comedy is when a woman successfully does self-care.

A man cannot make him laugh - but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine.

Everybody funny, now you funny too.

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

By some fluke, my folks forgot to ask me the question most crucial to ensuring a lifetime of self-doubt: 'What if you fail?

There's a reason people love watching blooper reels of actors falling about laughing.

You gotta have the balls to go out there and be funny, man.

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

I agree that someone falling down is really funny, and I can go on YouTube and watch people falling. It makes me laugh.

Magic, if that was the right word, often rises and falls on your own belief in your abilities. I've seen very powerful people completely crippled by self-doubt.