Sarah Silverman Quotes

I thought I was God's gift to mankind and the greatest Irishman since George Best.

I happen to think nearly everybody - especially those one might find in the odd issue of 'People' magazine, including me - is frightfully boring, Especially me. And Tom Cruise. Tom and I are alike in only this way.

I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.

I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself.

Sometimes I think I'm a really interesting guy.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people.

I like my mug shot. I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot.

It's not hard to be sexy when you're standing in front of Angelina Jolie or Robin Wright Penn. They're two of the most beautiful women in the world and two of the finest actresses. I think that if you're with people who are good in your profession they become sexy because they're good at what they do. I enjoyed being 6ft 6ins, having an eight pack and a long todger, you know? If I fold mine in half it's the same length!

I really never thought people would think that I was funny, I thought (my friends) thought I was funny because I was their friend, but other people would just think I was an asshole. I was at least partly right.

I don’t even think of myself as a quote, unquote star - that’s really douchey. I think of myself as just like . . . a dance commander.

It's rather difficult to think of anybody being really interested in me. But you know, man, I am totally together.

I'm always happy. I've just got a mean face.

I've always been cool, basically. I was cool in utero.

I don't want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat

I would say probably Paris [Hilton]. Because to me that's her in character and she kind was always sort of winking at the camera. There was satire I think involved in what she was doing. I like to think there was.

Y'all reporters like my quotes, don't you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious.

Amazing.” Hi stripped off his shirt, wrung it out. “Score one for your honker.” “Thanks, I think.” I cocked my chin at Hi’s substantial midsection. “Nice abs.” “Yeah, I work out twice a month. No expectations. But stop hitting on me, it’s embarrassing.

I'm shy. People get confused. They think as an actor you can get up and be confident on the screen. Why aren't you like this in normal life? Why can't you act in your social life? 'Because I can't!'

I never met a soul in this world as normal as me.

When I was listening in on the phone call where Andre Leon Talley was saying that he was going to get my fat, black ass on the cover of a magazine. I think that - you know, Andre Leon Talley is fat and black. And it hurt my feelings. It hurt my feelings. But it also was a lesson in this is what they think, and this is what they will always think. And there's no way of being too talented or too pretty or too confident around it. People will still have their opinions.

I'm so great even I get tongue-tied talking to myself.

Well, he was wearing those really bad pants ant that awful shirt. Clearly he did need some things explained to him bya teenager, but i didn't think it was the right time to mention his unforunate and obvious fashion impairment.

People say my ego is grand. I think it's in proportion to me.