Steven Wright Quotes

I never discuss discussions.

I'm the kind of actor who has ventured into escaping from me.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

Be obscure clearly.

Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

There is a single entendre, but I don't know about a triple one.

Logic plus logic equals the illogical. Do you know what I mean?

I answer in the affirmative with an emphatic 'No.'

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

If I wasn't Bob Dylan, I'd probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Take it not amiss, O speech, that I borrow weighty words, and later try hard to make them seem light.

I understand your new play is full of single entendres.

Curiously enough, it seems to be only in describing a mode of language which does not mean what it says that one can actually say what one means.

I went up a straight crooked lane and, I said 'No thanks, yes if yer please.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.

That's an old saying I just made up.

No sense makes sense.

Time flies like an arrow - but fruit flies like a banana.

The reverse side also has a reverse side.

I really didn't say everything I said.

Most of the time, when someone tells you something, and it makes sense, it just makes sense. And that's that. But sometimes it really doesn't make sense.