Nikki Reed Quotes

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

The theme of 'A Christmas Story' is that you can count on Christmas - that everybody has a Christmas story. Everybody has that time in the holiday season that they remember.

I am usually a fun-loving person, and I say most of the things in a jest. Sometimes I get in trouble, but over a period of time, I think people now realise that most of the things I say are in jest.

We usually play games at the end of the night on Christmas, so it's just a good time. It's one of my favorite times of the year.

For Secret Santa a few years ago, I bought one of the lads I used to play with a block of cheese.

Some people are just weird when you're on a plane - it's the same during a renovation. It stresses them out.

Comedy can become quite addictive actually.

I hated that the soldier doll had my name. I mean, please. I didn't play with him much. He was another Christmas present from my clueless grandparents. One time when they were visiting, my grandpa asked me if G.I. Joe had been in any wars lately. I said, "No, but he and Ken got married last week." Every Christmas since then, my grandparents have sent me a check.

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime.

Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt.

Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

Listen to this, okay? Just listen. You hear that? That's market bacon hitting the pan. Today a child is born unto us, and his name will be bacon.

But anyway, I was convinced that it would go away, you know. But the idea was that he was sitting on a flight - you know, one of those sort of fairly long flights, like, sort of, you know, Newark to Denver or something like that - so, you know, a few hours.

when we travel, most of us take too much. I always work on the assumption that I'm going to take everything with me because I don't want the second wife to have anything if the plane crashes.

I'm amused by a lot of things. I love humor. I'm constantly joking around.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

Lunch." I said. "Immediately. I'm going to wither away to absolutely nothing. Then you'll be racked with guilt." "I doubt it.

I forget the derivation of Boxing Day, but the feeling of wanting to invite your loved ones outside one at a time and punch them in the face, does that come into it somewhere?

Two thousand years ago, the Holy family had a ramble from Nazareth to Bethlehem - in much the same way as I'm having a ramble from Norwich to Swaffham. Although I'm not comparing myself to Jesus - I don't want to get bogged down in that whole controversy again.

The rule is to carry as little as possible.

This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet if we see anything big. And our copilot today is a flask of coffee.