Frankie Boyle Quotes

Because I was a diminutive, arty kid, I felt like a misfit in high school - but who doesn't?

The shooting of the guns, that was kind of funny, because rolling a cigarette and shooting a gun aren't like normal things for a 13-year old girl!

Puberty was not kind to me. I had acne, eczema and had a stye in my eye, so it was quite hard to go in to somewhere where the majority were boys. At that age, they were quite vocal about what they thought of your looks.

In my teenage years, there was a lot of angst going on.

For a long time in my adolescence, comedy was the only tool I had for communication and dealing with the world and dealing with people - I didn't know any other lens in which to do it.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

There's nothing more terrifying then a teenage girl.

I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Growing up is such a barbarous business, full of inconvenience... and pimples.

As a teenager, you have so much energy and hormones and you feel powerless in your life.

I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

Just being young and growing up in this business is hard. Just growing up in general is hard.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything."

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.

I threw the opening pitch at a Blue Jays game, and after the pitch, the mascot asked me if I wanted him to sign the game ball, which I thought was funny. What would he write? "Best Wishes, Some Guy in a Bird Suit"?"

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.

Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.