Madeleine Albright Quotes

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

I've told everyone that I grew old on 'Hee Haw,' but I could've grown old without it.

I began my education at a very early age; in fact, right after I left college.

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.

Nature should have been pleased to have made this age miserable, without making it also ridiculous.

I love Dickens because it makes me chuckle to myself so. He has taken me to another world and out of so many earthly miseries.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

When I die, I want to be the only person in the world not to have seen 'The Sound Of Music.'

I'm looking more like my dogs every day - it must be the shaggy fringe and the ears.

I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in Illinois. All I did was give a speech, and now everybody has to call me Dr. Colbert.

Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you're not wearing any.

I was Sweater Queen at Bowling Green State University. Oh, that's a laugh, isn't it?

I used to be called a post-modern clown. But now, post-modernism is a quaint notion, too.

Myself, I have a philosophy degree and a fake computer-science degree. I say fake because I really didn't learn anything.

I've been on freshers' week twice, that's the only degree I have.

I went to college in North Carolina, so something about being in the East Coast is home for me.

In 2002, I was taking an improv class because, as a white male with glasses who was born between 1978 and 1994, it's legally required that I take at least one improv class in my life.

Silver Jews was always a coolection of old friends. Uncoolection.

I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never been sure about it. In the middle ages, I should probably have gone about preaching and got myself burnt or hanged.

I feel like we can prove in real time the old trope that comedy is tragedy plus time.

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

Laughter is born out of the discovery of the contradictory.

When our first parents were driven out of Paradise, Adam is believed to have remarked to Eve, "My dear, we live in an age of transition."

They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would I take out of our house if it was on fire!" "I expect you were a good boy and said you'd take your mum," said Nanny. "No! My mum would take herself!" "What would you take out then, Walter?" Nanny said. "The fire!