Erma Bombeck Quotes

After 9/11, new security measures not only added longer lines and earlier check-ins, but took away our privilege of carrying knitting needles or our favorite moisturizer on board with us. Although we want to be safe when we fly, in some ways it all just adds to the misery of our experience.

In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

I really hate airport queues. I almost feel they should have cattle prods to hurry us up down the aisles. You can't even complain because they might stop you getting on to the flight.

I hate everything about airports from getting there to taking off.

I think arriving at or departing from any airport in America is just horrendous these days.

I'm not sure if I could bear to go on an aeroplane again. It's not my concern for the welfare of the planet. It's not even the long check-in times and queuing. No, it's the humiliation of the security process that has finally done it for me.

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

When the plane is delayed, it's not the fault of the girl at the desk. I'm resigned to the fact that everything is out of my control and that air travel nowadays is barbaric.

I am starting to hate airports and the whole business of getting onto the plane. It all takes so long I want to scream.

I don't like waiting in airports for my bags. Even worse, I don't like waiting in airports when my bags are lost.

Flying commercial airlines has become an all-too-often unpleasant experience.

When you travel on Christmas, for you as the traveler - whether you're in 1A or 39D - there is a mental state that you have to put yourself in: that you're traveling at the busiest time of the year, and you're going to take whatever comes your way.

On my first flight, I don't know if maybe it's a function of time, or if I was less stressed on my second flight, but just being able to tell what part of the planet we were flying over by the reflected light coming through the window - that was pretty special.

Spending time in airports and planes is probably my least favourite part of being a tennis player.

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."

I remember after 9/11, I started - I was working quite a bit in Vancouver. And then I realized I would go to catch my flight, and it would take me like 20 minutes to get cleared to fly, like, every time. I'm like, what is going on?

The thing I miss about Air Force One is they don't lose my luggage.

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.