Helen Skelton Quotes

I made sure that instead of people making fun of me, like every comedian probably says, I made fun of myself first so they would get distracted and just laugh. I was pretty brutally picked on for a while growing up. It was always the really pretty girls, the hot girls and then there was me. So I had to do something to get any sort of attention.

I don't think anyone in their right mind takes me serious.

My skirt fell off on stage during a performance of Hairspray on Broadway, revealing my fat suit over my own natural fat suit. I turned to the audience and said, 'Now you know why I spent six years in a square.'

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

If people still trust me with a funny line, then that is fine. If that is what gets me work.

Standup is a place where, as long as it's funny enough, you can say your most embarrassing things, shameful things and disappointing things.

I want to prove to the skeptics that I'm not a clown. I'm very serious about what I do. I want to be a good ski jumper who has a sense of humor.

I have no shame when it comes to making people laugh. I don't care what I look like.

I like to think of myself as the corniest, most awful thing you could possibly imagine.

A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.

A lot of people can be very scared about making themselves vulnerable and appearing uncool. I don't really give a damn; as long as it's funny, I'll do it [make fun of myself].

To me, most theatre looks ridiculous. I find it very difficult to do. Personally, if I ever try to do serious stuff, I always end up looking like an asshole, so I might as well try and do comedy, because I'm good at that.

I am never embarrassed by something that makes people laugh.

Only funny line I've had was my first day on the set of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They were making me up, and I saw the director call the makeup man over, and he says "What are we going to do about the hooter?" And the makeup guy said, "I'm not a plastic surgeon." So I started that show with a big nose, and quite conscious of it.

Wow," I said, since it was all I could think of to say. "Wow. That's some outfit." When you've got a big guy wearing Lycra it doesn't leave a whole lot to the imagination. I resisted the temptation to ask Eric to turn around. "I don't believe I could be convincing as a queen," Eric said, "but I decided this sent such a mixed signal, almost anything was possible." He fluttered his eyelashes at me. Eric was definitely enjoying this. "Oh, yes," I said, trying to find somewhere else to look. (Living Dead in Dallas)

I was always the first one to break. I'll admit it. I couldn't keep a straight face.

The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

For God's sake (I never was more serious) don't make me ridiculous any more by terming me gentle-hearted in print.

Well, I can't (sing or dance). Actually, I sing like a seal and dance like your Uncle Leo at that wedding where he got up and went 'ya, ya, ya'.

It's not terribly dignified to have anyone seeing one laugh at one's own material.

It's not a good idea to take a forecast from someone wearing a tie. If possible, tease people who take themselves and their knowledge too seriously.

Its okay I'm wearing really big knickers.

I'm not going to be remotely funny.

I don't feel any pressure to be funny at all. I'm funny because I want to be funny. I could sit here and be serious for an hour and you would go away and make me much funnier than I am.

I don't have any powers other than the power of sex. And humor.