Bill Burr Quotes

She said 'I'm by commission. You don't have to pay anything until you sell anything.' I said, 'Well fine. You want to be my agent and not make anything.' I thought, 'Boy, is she dumb.'

I believe we have been fleeced.

People go hard with the scams. Make sure you know who you're working with and what the contract says.

I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

Note to the wise: whenever someone insists that he wants to buy something from you, but tells you there's no real value in it yet, two things are happening: he's lying, and you're being taken.

Despite some of the stories that have gone around, I've never had a big, flouncey strop about how much I'm paid. Considering I have a pretty interesting life out of making telly, I'm really paid quite well for it. So I'm not complaining.

The first time I had my dreams crushed was when I was scammed, and somebody stole all of my magic props. I was a teenager, and I had put all my money into that. I had literally wanted to be the next David Copperfield. And that was all taken away.

I never asked to be the highest paid player in sports.

The name 'con artist' really does capture it. They're artists, and I have admiration for all artists.

I woke up one morning to an email from my friend Alex that said she'd had her bag stolen. Ordinarily, I'm quite quick on the uptake, but - maybe because of the way it was worded - I immediately replied, 'What??????' As soon as I hit send, I realised I was being scammed. But then they replied, and I thought, 'Well, why not?'

Three-card monte is one of the most persistent and effective cons in history. The games still pop up along city streets. But we tend to dismiss the victims as rubes.

Everyone gets a raise when they do well. No one asked me what I got for my initial films. There was a time I got paid Rs. 6 lakh. I charge what producers are willing to pay me.

To be very honest, my reason for getting away from 'Pepsi Battle of the Bands' was because I was on tour. I wanted to be on tour, and the amount I was asking for, they said that they couldn't pay it.

Something in your voice tells me we approach the question of remuneration.

I'm the type of guy who'd sell you a rat's asshole for a wedding ring.

Anything that's signed by me on EBay is a forgery and not authentic.

And for a sucker play a man gets sucker pay; for the paymaster is on the job and never losses the pay envelope that is coming to you.

I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

What are you guys doing? If you anted me to take a shower, all you had to do was pay me ten bucks, like you usually do

If a lady comes up to you and tells you that your dear mama is lying in a faint on the pavement round the corner, don't you believe her, don't have anything to do with her, do not go with her into the cab. It is the White Slave Traffic.

All voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.

Mulberry Garden, now the only place of refreshment about the town for persons of the best quality to be exceeding cheated at.

She can’t help it. She loves the con. I tell myself I’m not like her, but I have to admit I love it too.

There's a seeker born every minute.

It was the heart of any scam or fiddle -- keep the punter uncertain, or, if he is certain, make him certain of the wrong thing.