Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple.

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

It is a remarkably beautiful piece of home furnishing, the Oscar. I used to keep it up in front of a mirror so that it looked like two.

If you're going to get into social criticism with absurdity and satire, you can't be politically correct when you do that.

But in terms of satire and comedy, our biggest and earliest influence was Mad magazine.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

I love the humor of 'Monty Python.' I always remember being so impressed by how violent 'Monty Python' are, actually, when you look at what they do. Terry Gilliam has a great way of kind of proposing violence.

On 'Adam Ruins Everything' we do the broadest sketch comedy possible. We do stuff where you can see it immediately and know it's a joke - characters in big silly costumes; here's Uncle Sam and he's twiddling his fingers saying, 'Oh, I'm naughty.'

A lot of French comedy is satire.

You'd be surprised how many people want to hang an electric chair on their living-room wall. Specially if the background color matches the drapes.

If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room.

She wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn't a fan of lamps.

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

There are parodies of non-existent things.

Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.

That's part of the comedy, too, is we do have jokes throughout of hanging a lantern on the absurdity of the world. Like, when BoJack's flying over the neighborhood, you see some houses have swimming pools in the backyard, and what does that mean? Why would there be a swimming pool underwater? But we thought it was funny.

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

Smart writers never understand why their satires on our town are never successful. What they refuse to accept is that you can't satirize a satire.

He passes, struck by the stare of truculent Wellington but in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy.

We, the comics that we like, we're all, like, post-humor.

You're wearing at least four different kinds of sweater." "This is a scarf." "You look tarred and sweatered.

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

No problem is insoluble, given a big enough plastic bag.