Totie Fields Quotes

Amazing.” Hi stripped off his shirt, wrung it out. “Score one for your honker.” “Thanks, I think.” I cocked my chin at Hi’s substantial midsection. “Nice abs.” “Yeah, I work out twice a month. No expectations. But stop hitting on me, it’s embarrassing.

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.

Really, the combination of the scabs and the ointment looks hideous. I can't help enjoying his distress. "Poor Finnick. Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?" I say. "It must be. The sensation's completely new. How have you managed it all these years?" he asks. "Just avoid mirrors. You'll forget about it," I say. "Not if I keep looking at you," he says.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

Just kidding, I've been very athletic all my life.

I might do a fitness video. Actually, more of a fatness video.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.

If I lost weight, I'd be two-dimensional!

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

I'm ridiculous, I'm ludicrous.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

There is no place for a person like me in a world that only takes itself seriously. Satire is so necessary but fairly ineffective.

I wasn't a 97-pound weakling. I was an 80-pound weakling.

You have all that muscle on you, you're going to get tired. That's why I prefer to be fat.

It's hard to make a joke out of someone that's a joke.

I believe in everything in moderation, including exercise.

When you look at my astonishing physique you probably think to yourself, This kid must eat nothing but molten steel. That's a common misconception.

I'm healthy - for a gymnast.

I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

I don't think I've ever stepped into a gym - they won't let me smoke there. I just thank God Miller Lite isn't as fattening as most beers. If I cut back on beer, though, I'd look anorexic.

I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and the part where Jesus carries the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, "Wow! That must be a really good workout! Yeah, because you're doing arms and cardio!"