Mitch Hedberg Quotes

There's a lot of phones; but I'm out of that field. They make me feel like a prisoner of war; there's not going to be any texting for me. The pre-paid phone is the frontier of my technological advance.

I don't text, I don't have a Blackberry. Literally, I just have a cell phone that I haven't programmed and the whole Bluetooth. No. I don't even have an earpiece for my cell phone.

And believe it or not, she has a phone and everything. She stopped using smoking signals last year.

E-mail is far more convenient than the telephone, as far as I'm concerned. I would throw my phone away if I could get away with it.

I see people putting text messages on the phone or computer and I think, 'Why don't you just call?'

I don't have any of the modern stuff. I don't have e-mail. I don't have a computer!

I don't believe in e-mail. I rarely use a cell phone and I don't have a fax.

I don't do Twitter, Facebook; none of that. My email I do from my Blackberry or my iPhone.

Equipped with two cell phones - one for work and another for home - I like to think of myself as a kind of 21st-century digital pioneer, ready to network, fax, page, e-mail and - oh, yes - talk at will.

Who wants to talk on the phone? If you want to talk to me, text me. Or if we must, let's meet in person.

I don't own a cell phone. I've never turned on a computer in my life.

We don't even know our friends' phone numbers anymore.

I'm so tired of cell phones.

I'm not the kind to hang out on Facebook or Twitter or even talk on the cellphone, really.

If you get a WhatsApp message, you're probably going to open it. That's the interesting thing.

When in doubt, I go to the phones a lot because it adds a new dimension and a new energy. It kind of takes me out of the equation if I feel like I irritated them or they aren't into the experience.

A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smart phones say they own an American.

I try not to do email; I try to talk to people on the phone.

We don’t use phones anymore in this day and age, yet she still phones things in.

Cell phones are so convenient that they're an inconvenience.

I was there when I said it.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."

Life simply is. It follows its course. Give yourself to the moment. Let life reveal itself to you.

When you are here, you are here. When you are gone, you are gone. It isn't a problem to be gone, so long as you are really here when you're here.