Trevor Rabin Quotes

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.

I know a lot about Canadian politics. I lived in Canadian bars for six years.

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.

There is nothing wrong with a political joke as long as it doesn't get elected.

Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office. That's what Jesus would do.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I was born on Nov. 4, which is election day ... my birthday has made more men and sent more back to honest work than any other days in the year.

Nothing genuinely historical was ever lost in this country. For this reason we have two ruling parties: villains and fools.

President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.

People think that the politician is just part of a system, and whether they're lying or not doesn't matter.

Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'

Professional politicians like to talk about the value of experience in government. Nuts! The only experience you gain in politics is how to be political.

This weekend President Obama attended the annual Gridiron Club Dinner, and during his speech he joked that he is getting older and crankier. Which explains why he announced he no longer supports President Obama.

Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.

I would not educate Donald trump. He is a very educated man.

Former President George W. Bush has hired a man to lead his presidential think tank in Dallas. The man was hired because he was the only candidate who could say the words, 'George W. Bush think tank' with a straight face.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me you think he's been hunting? Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here's your sign!

We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

For my birthday, buy me a politician!

We have retained the forms and phrases of a republic, but in reality we are living under an oligarchy, not of courtesan, but of bureaucrats.

Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.