Bobby Heenan Quotes

There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's a laugh. I'm really Miss Goody-two-shoes from England!

When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.

I've only been to these foreign countries: Canada, L.A. and Miami.

I don't know how to troll people, but there are many out there talking with that intent. I just write something funny that would make people laugh.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

I've now been in 57 states. I think one left to go.

If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is.

Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'

What're quantum mechanics?" "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.

Physical fitness is in. I recently had a physical fit myself.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Pennsylvania, the state that has produced two great men: Benjamin Franklin of Massachusetts, and Albert Gallatin of Switzerland.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

Benedict Cumberbatch is not only the best name in show business, it's also the response you get when you ask John Travolta to pronounce Ben Affleck.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

Now when I have to remember a date, all I have to do is consult my rap sheet.

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

The White House announced that President Obama will attend a summit in Kenya this July. When asked if he's ever been to Kenya, Obama said, 'Of course. I was born - no, bored - over there. There's nothing to do in Kenya.'

Humor is just truth, only faster!

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.