George Burns Quotes

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all.

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

Contrary to rumor, sometimes I can be quite a laugh.

I didn't expect anything crazy to happen from 'True Detective.'

Most people I ask little from. I try to give them much, and expect nothing in return and I do very well in the bargain.

Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. "Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember." My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. "Yes sir?" I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were.

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

When we got off the streetcar at Times Square, it was somewhat of a letdown. Newspapers were blowing about the road and pavement, and Broadway looked seedy, like a slovenly woman just out of bed.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.

A pear is a failed apple.

If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.

I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought disillusion.

If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.