Steven Wright Quotes

Belief and seeing: They are both often wrong.

Things are always different from what they might be.

people think they know what they're getting, and they're always wrong.

For a long time, I think my family thought I was living in a $3 million mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

Hindsight bias makes surprises vanish.

Seeing is not always believing.

One of my earliest memories is my father telling me to behave because I'm about to meet and work with the greatest actor of all time. Then this old guy comes out and I was like, 'Pfff, he doesn't look anything like Luke Skywalker, I don't know what my dad is trying to tell me here.'

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Pray look better, Sir... those things yonder are no giants, but windmills.

It may not be impossible, but that our Faculties may be so construed, as always to deceive us in the things we judge most certain and assured.

Nothing that you want ever is what you think it is.

It's so easy for us to misperceive and see the things in others that we want to see. And, when we're wrong, and often we're dead wrong, we miss the truth.

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

Sometimes people think I'm wearing a wig when I'm not wearing a wig, and then sometimes they think I'm not wearing a wig when I am wearing a wig.

I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai.

There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.

People want to see the world the way they want to see it, not the way it is.

Things are not always as they seem.

When a man in a forest thinks he is going forward in a straight line, in reality he is going in a circle, I did my best to go in a circle, hoping to go in a straight line.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Belief and delusion are incestuous siblings.

People are bewitched into believing that time slips away, and this belief is the basis of time actually slipping away.

The senses do not deceive us, but the judgment does.

The truth is a fog, in which one man sees the heavenly host and the other one sees a flying elephant.