Joan Rivers Quotes

As goofy as it sounds, I try to sing in the morning. It's hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone - particularly in my case, because I'm tone deaf, and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

I just kind of have a comedic looking body, I guess. If anything I really have to exercise just to not look too fudgy, otherwise I would just keep going and going.

Dusty Rhodes wouldn't win a body building contest for best abs, MacMahon, he'd win for MOST abs.

[On why she doesn't exercise:] If I tried to jog with these boobs, I'd end up with two black eyes.

A lot of times, as a clown, you find acting for a reason. It's a way to exercise yourself. If you're funny, you test yourself.

Playing on stereotypes was meant to be humorous. If it doesn't tickle you in certain spots, it's not going to be funny. Falling down the stairs is a seriously dangerous thing, but watching it is HILARIOUS!

The secret of flight is this -- you have to do it immediately, before your body realizes it is defying the laws.

I agree that someone falling down is really funny, and I can go on YouTube and watch people falling. It makes me laugh.

Comedy appeals to the collective mind of the audience and this grows fatigued; while farce appeals to a more robust organ, their collective belly.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

I could never be Charlie Chaplin. But the films that were made by people like him, or Gene Wilder, or John Candy, the people that inspired me so much were the people that were able to combine humor with heartbreak so beautifully and fluidly. Those films I think were what inspired me to want to come to L.A. and audition for movies.

Bryon tilted his head to a very odd angle, half-closed his eyes and composed his features to suggest that he was about to expire from chronic indigestion.

I talked about everything, man. I've always written material that everyone can laugh at. I talked about growing up. I did a lot of physical comedy. That was my thing. I was a physical comedian. I did anything and everything from running on a treadmill, I can paint a picture on stage of anything.

If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.

I'd probably be better in an action role and even a more comedic role as I find myself pretty hilarious.

American humor ... is not subtle. It is something that makes you laugh the moment you hear it, you have not to think a scrap.

If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes.

Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down... and won.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, 'Let me help you with those buttons' and I told him, 'I'm completely naked'.

The essence of humor is that it should be unexpected, that it should embody an element of surprise, that it should startle us out of that reasonable gravity which, after all, must be our habitual frame of mind.

My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

Any comic can get on the radio show and be funny. You can get that on any morning radio show or afternoon radio show. There are plenty of people who do that. It's not a difficult format, to sit around with two or three comics and be funny.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

I just devoured all of his [Buster Keaton’s] films because his sense of comic timing was amazing. He’s the closest a human being has ever come to a cartoon character. And I was just amazed at his sense of character and timing, the humor. It's all just so…sophisticated, even when you watch it today.