Eddie Izzard Quotes

A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats.

You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

A lot of cats are not that social.

Cats are impossible to work with. They're just very difficult because you can't really train them. They're not really interested in whatever you want them to do. Dogs want to please you; cats only want to please themselves.

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days.

I liked animals better than people. That's one of the reasons I wanted to be a vet - then I found out that every pet had a person that owned 'em.

The cat is a wild animal that inhabits the homes of humans.

My dream pet? I like a couple of them, man: monkey, I love dogs. See, tigers, I don't know - I can't be playing with something like that. A monkey, I can handle it. A dog, yeah; I would get a monkey.

Cats are very independent animals. They're very sexy, if you want. Dogs are different. They're familiar. They're obedient. You call a cat, you go, 'Cat, come here.' He doesn't come to you unless you have something in your hand that he thinks might be food. They're very free animals, and I like that.

A cat is never vulgar.

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are God.

But if you really want to learn about life, get a cat. The way I think people should relate to animals is with a cat. Because the world is his.

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

Cats don't need you that much. They like to come and get stroked now and then, and they need you to feed them. But other than that, they're not very demanding, are they? I quite like that.

Veterinarians are essential allies to the millions of us who experience the human-animal bond.

People buy a cat and think, 'Oh that's a beautiful collar. I'll put that on,' but that doesn't make them a responsible pet owner.

When a man tries to communicate with an animal, there's a relationship between them, and you generally find this between the dog and his master.

I think all cats are wild. They only act tame if there´s a saucer of milk in it for them.

The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself.

Who are you and why are you my cat?

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!

A cat can never be well-trained because they're too independent.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.