Jack Palance Quotes

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.

Ladies and Gentlemen, King of the Stupid Question: Todd Grisham!

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.

When Logo offered me my own comedy special, I said, 'Let's make it a double.'

I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the hot seat, my mere existence is clearly insult enough.

There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.

I feel more comfortable in comedy.

If you call me a comedian I will be very grateful. I will thank you profoundly. No, I love doing comedy. It's fun once in a while to do a serious part but I really enjoy doing comedy because I love to laugh.

I just want to continue to do comedy. Comedy, I'm discovering, is my niche. It's what I'm born to do, so I would love to have my own sitcom one day in the future.

I remember seeing Eddie Murphy RAW and seeing people laughing and having a good time and that was the same response I was getting so I thought I was on to something.

I remember when I got my first Adam Sandler CD and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life, and continues to be.

This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

I love comedy. I like to think that there's a sense of humor in some of my music - obviously not all of it.

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine!

Comedy is not pretty.

I actually enjoy comedy; it's a lot of fun.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.

I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Theres always next year, ... except, you know, for Ray Romano.

I consider myself a sit-down comedian really, as much as anything else. I love comedy. Life is a cosmic joke.

I've always been a fan at home. That's the one joke I have with Sam [Champion]. "I've always loved you! I remember wanting to be you in grade school!"