Conan O'Brien Quotes

Putin looks at her and he laughs. OK? He laughs. Putin. Putin looks at Hillary Clinton and he smiles.

We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

The Russians … want to give me a Peace Prize, but I have turned it down.

There’s no reason to respect anyone’s word in that part of the world. The only thing they respect is force and the threat of force.

Politics is much more dangerous than war, because in war they can only kill you once.

Barack Obama, foreign policy wizard. I just have to laugh.

People are always asking me in interviews, 'What do you think of foreign affairs?' I just say, 'I've had a few.'

Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses.

Why it's been left to me to smooth things over, I don't know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it's the black guy's [Obama's] job. But I'll tell you this: If I don't finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something's seriously wrong.

What were you going to do with it?” McCain asked. "I just thought it might come in useful.” "Were you planning to attack me?” "No. But that’s a good idea.

If he [Hugo Chavez] thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it.

So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?"

Obama's Nobel Peace Prize is an exquisite act of condescension from Norwegians, a dog biscuit and a pat on the head to the American hyperpower for agreeing to spay itself into a hyperpoodle.

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

I think I'd have a good relationship with Putin. Who knows? He's been a leader far more than Barack Obama has been a leader.

I would love to be able to get along with Russia. Now, you've had a lot of presidents that haven't taken that tack. Look where we are now. Look where we are now. So, if I can - now, I love to negotiate things, I do it really well, and all that stuff. But - but it's possible I won't be able to get along with Putin. Maybe it is. But I want to just tell you, the false reporting by the media, by you people, the false, horrible, fake reporting makes it much harder to make a deal with Russia.

Heroes like you always have a weak spot. We just have to find it, and then we can kill you. Won't that be lovely? Have a cheese 'n' Wiener!

War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

I know what you're thinking," Grandma said into the silence. "Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what was in here to start with. But being that this is a 45 magnum, the most powerful handgun in existence, and it could blow your head clean off, you just got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?" Christ," Spiro whispered. "She thinks she's f**king Clint Eastwood.

Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'

I'm not going to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to Russia, or Mr. Putin.

Jane! will you hear reason?' (he stooped and approached his lips to my ear) 'because, if you won't, I'll try violence.

As you can see, even when [Adolf] Hitler desires to speak for peace, he cannot dispense with threats. This is symptomatic.

War is politics by other means.