Evan Esar Quotes

No married man's ever made up his mind until he's heard what his wife has got to say about it.

Researchers in Canada say they have discovered the part of the brain that is used to make decisions, and this is weird: If you're married, it's actually located in your wife's brain.

He was struck dumb at the words though he should not be surprised; his wife kept him in a perpetual state of speechlessness.

Against the advice of my wife, I endorsed Arlen Specter. I should have listened to my wife.

I watch a romcom only when my wife drags me

Bad husbands will make bad wives.

Being a mother and wife are big roles.

I'm such a type A doer myself that if someone said I had a month off, I think I'd go crazy and try to organize the vacation resort!

If my wife was to say, 'Honey, I'd like you to go to PSG', I would have to take it into account.

I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

My jobs often end up being our family vacations, and so far it has been great.

My wife is the CEO of the family. I'm the fun guy, just trying to make it up as I go along.

I think my wife puts up with me 'cause I try. I think that's all any guy can do is just try. That's right! 'Cause we ain't never gunna get it. 'Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It's like this memo goes out, 'they're getting close, change it, change it!'

A virtuous wife commands her husband by obeying him.

The man who enters his wife's dressing room is either a philosopher or a fool.

Every single day in a marriage, we influence each other. It is a matter of am I going to have a positive influence or a negative influence?

A man never has good luck who has a bad wife.

There are always two figures in a marriage, two votes, two conflicting sets of decisions, desires and limitations.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

Wives rarely fuss about their beauty To guarantee their mate's affection.

I hate being away even for a day. But I'm happiest when I'm working and have my own things going on, so it ultimately makes me a better mother and wife.

Contrary to what people say, my wife never turned me away from the presidency. She told me to reflect on it and do what I wanted.

[On accepting travel suggestions from her two daughters, 6 and 3:] When they pay for the vacation, they get to dictate where we go.

First the husband tried to make the wife his possession, and once she is a possession he loses interest. There is some hidden logic in it: his whole interet was to possess; now that is finished, and he would like to try some other woman so he can again go on another trip of possesion.