Unwanted Surprise Quotes

The day of my wedding, I got a FedEx in the mail. It was my termination papers. I was fired... on my wedding day.

I was considered one of RCA's brightest young people. Then one day, I found out we'd been sold. They didn't even consult me.

Don't invite me to a surprise birthday party. I don't have room for that secret. I've got enough real secrets I have to keep: dark, life-destroying secrets.

When the doorbell rings at three in the morning, it's never good news.

I always like stories where the egg ends up on my face.

When I was in Turks & Caicos, a bug jumped out of my room service menu. That kind of freaked me out.

I was fired by 'America's Next Top Model' on my birthday.

Having a show get canceled is like, 'Oh, you have caviar between your teeth,' you know what I mean? Because you had a show in the first place.

On one show before a live audience, I had to look out the door and call for Will Smith to come in. The audience couldn't see him, but there he was with his naked butt staring me in the face. I didn't normally hang out with twenty-something practical jokers, so sometimes he was a little much.