The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.
I've been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a tower, and it's leaning. You look at it, but nothing happens, so then you look for someplace to get a sandwich.
I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.
We're crazy about this city. Los Angeles? That's just a big parking lot where you buy a hamburger for the trip to San Francisco.
El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief - no Californians.
I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler.
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
You can tell when you have crossed the frontier into Germany because of the badness of the coffee.
It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
Adventure travel existed before I started, I just didn't know it.
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
The best thing about London is Paris.
My first rule of travel is never to go to a place that sounds like a medical condition and Critz is clearly an incurable disease involving flaking skin.
At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."
I have never taken a road trip. Unless you count Los Angeles to Vegas.
If I book a hotel it's actually very funny. It's very nice to be a genuine Mr Smith.
When I was crossing into Gaza, I was asked at the checkpost whether I was carrying any weapons. I replied: Oh yes, my prayer books.
It's amazing how many companies aren't really in tune to the needs of different travelers. There's just so many embarrassing situations that you go through when you travel. You have to have a sense of humor about it and take it in stride. My whole approach is to embrace spontaneity.
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.
