Book tours and research provide a lot of travel - too much, I sometimes think, but we do take vacations.
My experience bears out an adage about airlines: People almost always opt for convenience and price, even while complaining loudly about crowded planes and a dearth of amenities.
People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make it sound. They're like, 'It was the worst day of my life. We didn't board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.' Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?'
Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the tea generally taste of boiled boots?
Though there are some disagreeable things in Venice there is nothing so disagreeable as the visitors.
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
Technology doesn't address everything - for example, air travel still sucks.
Although I have been pretty vocal about hating touring, the only part of touring I don't like is being on the bus and bouncing around.
I avoid flying Ryanair if I can. I know that everyone gives them a hard time, but there's a good reason for that.
I don't want to be one of those comics who says, 'Hey, what's wrong with air travel?' and stuff like that.
Sometimes we complain about being on the road all the time, from tournaments to exhibitions and sponsors' appearances, but really it's a doddle.
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
I don't know why comedians moan about touring; you get driven to a town, stay in a hotel, work for an hour and a half with nice people, and eat fatty service station food. There's nothing not to like.
Never, ever get on an American Airlines flight. They will make you wait four hours, and then, when you complain about it, you will be kicked off your flight, and they will rob you of your money.
Speaking of New York as a traveller I have two faults to find with it. In the first place there is nothing to see; and in the second place there is no mode of getting about to see anything.
If I were not a public figure, I wouldn't fly with Thai.
So many people moan about touring and say it's a chore. I don't know, they must be living on a different planet.
It is unacceptable for passengers to be stranded in planes on the tarmac for hours on end.
Some of the hotels I've been put up in for work in Scotland have been shockingly bad. They're the type of hotel where the bedroom is like a cell and the Internet doesn't work. I feel quite aggrieved at that because you should at least be treated reasonably well and have basic comfort.
