Sexist Humor Quotes

You're going to women? Don't forget your whip!

I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Men are like parking spots: sometimes I drive my car into them

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

I don't objectify women. I'd like to think that I'm optimizing their hardware.

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive.

Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman. -Jillian's mother

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.

A woman’s magazine quiz: Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, “Was it good for you?” You: a. Say, “God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life” b. Say, “Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.” c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, “That’s for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished

With my boyfriend, we can make sexist jokes to each other because we know it's absolutely not true. If I get home from a long day and he says: 'Go on, get in the kitchen,' it's funny because we know it's not our lives.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

I think it is childish for men to joke about women's clothes, to make fun of our hats, to complain over the cost of a good fur coat.

I wondered how a man ever got an English girl into bed. What did they do with her hockey stick?

I hold doors open for all the women. Men can open the doors for themselves.

There is a clear difference between sexist parody and parody of sexism. Sexist parody encourages the players to mock and trivialize gender issues while parody of sexism disrupts the status quo and undermines regressive gender conventions.

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

I like women. I like them so much, I think every man should own two.

I like my coffee hot and strong. Like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them.