Politics Satire Quotes

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

Whenever people say, 'You should be president,' I say, 'I thought you liked me.' Listen, I thought being mayor of Stamford was a wonderful job. Being governor of a state for a period of time is a wonderful job, and I'm not sure I'm at all attracted to Washington.

Why do I keep performing at my age? What else am I going to do? Play golf? I tried that years ago and all I did was cuss. I can do that without the walk, cuss at Congress and let [Mark]Twain do it. "Imagine that you were an idiot. And then imagine that you were a member of Congress. Wait - I've repeated myself."

I can't look at John Prescott without thinking of Les Dawson, and Robin Cook is a caricature of himself.

I got 99 Problems but Mitt ain't one.

President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony Weiner said, “It’s a trap, don’t do it!” But President Obama’s tweets are a little different than Anthony Weiner’s. When Obama sends out pictures of something obscene, it’s the unemployment numbers.

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington.

George W. Bush loves golf because it's like the election--low score wins.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah!

Be a politician; no training necessary.

If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.

I would marry TiVo if President Bush would allow it.

There are two kinds of people. The smart people ... who sit around the table and kind of examine life. And then there are the other people—who run for public office, and some of the idiots like myself who are just in there fighting.

John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.

As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.

Bush is a frat boy in the White House but we've had that before. But I wasn't one of those people that was threatening to leave the country. By the way none of those people have left the country. Alec Baldwin is still here.

Politics is made up of two words: "Poli," which is Greek for "many," and "tics," which are bloodsucking insects.