Culinary Incompetence Quotes

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

What good am I? I can't have kids. I can't cook. I've been divorced three times. Who would want me?

Bad cooks - and the utter lack of reason in the kitchen - have delayed human development longest and impaired it most.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

I hate to admit this but I don't even know how to make a cup of tea or coffee. I can boil a kettle for a pot noodle and I've been known to warm up some food in the microwave.

If I'm really honest, I can't cook. I'm, like, the worst, worst, worst cook in the world.

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

I know it sounds funny, but every time I have a disaster in the kitchen, it knocks my confidence level a little bit more, and I feel annoyed with myself that I can't do better.

I'm like a teenage boy - I eat like one and know as much cooking as one. Neither do I bake, and I can always be counted on to bring the wine to a pot luck.

John Kerry couldn't even order a Philly cheesesteak properly.

I can't cook to save my life. I'm a disaster.

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

I can't cook, unless you want Cheez Whiz on a Ritz cracker.

Cooking is a dangerous thing for me. I'm pretty inept in the kitchen.