Bad Cooking Quotes

I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.

I want to make a memorial for our turkey. Never has a bird been so tortured to provide such a lousy dinner.

For many a pasty have you robbed of blood, And many a Jack of Dover have you sold That has been heated twice and twice grown cold. From many a pilgrim have you had Christ's curse, For of your parsley they yet fare the worse, Which they have eaten with your stubble goose; For in your shop full many a fly is loose.

I have to admit to the occasional need for 'Come Dine with Me.' I am the most atrocious cook, and that's probably why I find it so entertaining. It looks exotic to me.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

My mom wasn't a good cook. No, that was an understatement. She was really horrible. And in a Chinese family, that's a disaster.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

I'm a terrible cook.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Let me start with a confession: I don't enjoy cooking. The reason I usually do it at home is not because I'm a New Man or Jamie Oliver disciple, but because my wife's cooking is so bad. In fact, to me, cooking is less a pleasurable pastime than a defense against poisoning.

I'm a terrible cook. I am not allowed to go in the kitchen anymore after I almost burned down the apartment in New York.

The meal was pretentious - a kind of beetroot soup with greasy croutons; pork underdone with loud vulgar cabbage, potato croquettes, tinned peas in tiny jam-tart cases, watery gooseberry sauce; trifle made with a resinous wine, so jammy that all my teeth lit up at once.

But don't blame me for the food. My wife knows a hundred and one ways to incinerate a cow, and as far as I can tell she's still experimenting.

If I walked into a restaurant, the other diners would look around and say, 'I hope you're not cooking.'

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

Theres a woman in Arkansas that's such a bad cook, that a swarm of flies got together and repaired her screen door.

I can't cook to save my life. I'm a disaster.

Everything I touched in the kitchen turned out crappy, no matter how closely I followed the recipe or copied the cooking show.

The stock market has spoiled more appetites than bad cooking.