alcohol-related incidents Quotes

He raised his brows. "You're drunk." "Am not!" He gave me a bland look. "A drunk's famous last words before they fall flat on their face.

The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

The fact that you fell out of bed makes some people think you had more than one drink before you called for help.

Let's put it this way: I did not get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble, I'd been drinking