George Carlin Quotes

I got cribs all over the place and offices all over the place, and sometimes I lose track of my stuff.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

At home I've got 1,500 cook books and the spines have all gone, the pages are all torn - it's chaos.

I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. If not, when I come home, I can't find anything. Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out.

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

I find any kind of 'organizing' very difficult. And that has irksome consequences when it comes to books, since I've often wound up buying books twice because I couldn't find what I already have in all my mess.

I have a neat and tidy bed when I reach home but a cluttered one by the time I leave.

There are tons of things in your home and life that you don't use, need, or even particularly want. They just came into your life as impulsive flotsam and jetsam and never found a good exit. Whether you're aware of it or not, this clutter creates indecision and distractions.

You just go through a certain kind of drudgery every time you have to look for something. I've got certain things grouped by now, but there's a drudgery in finding them. There's always stuff missing.

Cargo pants freak me out. Too many pockets. I always forget where my wallet is.

may came home with a smooth round stone as small as a world and as large as alone.

Before you finish eating breakfast in the morning, you've depended on more than half of the world.

I know how to live here, I know how everything smells, and tastes, and is. What could I ever search for in the world, except this again?

Heading towards that inner home will take you places-both inside yourself and in the external world-which your heart will recognize as its native environment, even though you have never been there before.

I realized I was going to get through this disappointing service, and anyway, you have to be somewhere: better here, where I have heard truth spoken so often, than, say, at the DMV, or home alone, orbiting my own mind. And it's good to be out where others can see you, so you can't be your ghastly spoiled self. It forces you to act slightly more elegantly, and this improves your thoughts, and thereby the world.

Ballycumber (ba-li-KUM-ber) n. One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed.

Women kill me. They really do. I don't mean I'm oversexed or anything like that—although I am quite sexy. I just like them, I mean. They're always leaving their goddam bags out in the middle of the aisle.

I don't hesitate to say if every family in the world practiced [family home evening], you'd see a very great difference in the solidarity of the families of the world.

There is enough oil out there for world demand. It is true that a lot of what's driving oil prices up right now is not the lack of supply. There's enough supply.

Certain people just go home and veg out, certain people go travel the world and certain people are like, "Screw this, I'm going to work the entire time."

I didn't have a home in the world, so I wanted a home in a person. I felt like I had found that, and then it was taken away from me.

The only place in the world that nothing has to be explained to me is the South.

I have so many boxing gloves around my house that I would get them confused with other gloves.

Each of us assumes everyone else knows what HE is doing. They all assume we know what WE are doing. We don't...Nothing is going on and nobody knows what it is. Nobody is concealing anything except the fact that he does not understand anything anymore and wishes he could go home.

But the dust! And the clutter! My housewifely and scholarly instincts were equally offended.