Mitch Hedberg Quotes

We are all born mad. Some remain so.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts.

As long as I know my head's in the right place, my feet are on the ground, I think I'll be fine.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

Every man has a sane spot somewhere.

It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it.

I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.

After all is said and done, sit down.

Just for fun, I'm really goofy and I would love to do some stupid comedy. I'm talking, like, crazy, out there, Will Ferrell type of thing. I love it; I think those movies are so funny.

Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Prior to stepping on stage, I prefer to continue being myself, whether that is making jokes with others, talking about other non-bodybuilding topics, or just sitting around listening to music.

I don't need to concentrate or meditate before a fight. I'm the kind of guy who'll be having a laugh in the dressing room 10 minutes before the fight - that's me.

I stay really calm and just try to do my best all the time.

I just try to keep level-headed and try to improve every day.

JaVale McGee is one of the smartest guys I know. Like, he's a nerd, plays with gadgets, and is into technology. He's funny - he's got crazy jokes, and his timing with jokes is really funny. You have to be really smart to think the way he does.

Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

It was just weird. Once you get the ball and you get in a situation, it's like haywire, everything goes crazy, and everybody's running around. You don't know who to pass it to or what to do. So Coach said just slow down and just make the right play. I tried to get the best look I could at the basket.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

When one makes the mind stick to one thought, the mind becomes rock-steady and the energy is conserved.

A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."

He [Wladimir Klitschko] likes silence when he fights because it gives him time and room to think. He doesn't like things to get chaotic or crazy.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"