Warren Buffett Quotes

Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut, and don't ask an academic if what he does is relevant.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Whoever pays the consultant gets pretty much what they want to hear.

No one is a good judge in his own cause.

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a hair cut.

When I see a man holding a fat office, sounding 'the horn on the borders' to call the people to support the man on whom he depends for his office. Well, thinks I, no wonder the man is zealous in the cause, he evidently has an axe to grind

A perception of a conflict of interest is jsut as bad as a conflict of interest,

I'm not trying to prove anything for the right or the left. Which gives me freedom to make jokes about either side, too.

No man can be judge to his own cause.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

With the experience to judge, one need not pre-judge.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

When poverty declines, the need for government declines, which is why expecting government to solve poverty is like expecting a tobacco company to mount an aggressive anti-smoking campaign.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys

Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down.

Objectivity? I always have an objective.

Newspapers should have no friends.

Thus it is thought that justice is equality; and so it is, but not for all persons, only for those that are equal. Inequality also is thought to be just; and so it is, but not for all, only for the unequal. We make bad mistakes if we neglect this for whom when we are deciding what is just. The reason is that we are making judgements about ourselves, and people are generally bad judges where their own interests are involved.

Objectivity is very hard to achieve. It needs some research and patience. If you want to do something honest, you have to explore it a little longer.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

This man dresses like an unmade bed.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.