Elayne Boosler Quotes

The seven deadly sins: Want of money, bad health, bad temper, chastity, family ties, knowing that you know things, and believing in the Christian religion.

Religion is all-too-often a refuge for scoundrels.

There is a great difference between Christianity and religion at the south. If a man goes to the communion table, and pays money into the treasury of the church, no matter if it be the price of blood, he is called religious.

Now, I don't mind making fun of those preachers who steal money from people, they kind of deserve it.

The world is equally shocked at hearing Christianity criticized and seeing it practiced.

As long as there are religions, there are going to be people who are hiding their rottenness behind the veil of religion.

If there is no hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretenses.

Christ: I dislike him very much. Still, I can stand him. What I cannot stand is the wretched band of people whose profession is to hoodwink us about him.

When you put on the suits, when you pretend you're honest and you're robbing at a far higher level, these guys deserve to... well, to be in my novels, and I have special fates reserved for them.

The satirist who writes nothing but satire should write but little - or it will seem that his satire springs rather from his own caustic nature than from the sins of the world in which he lives.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

Christianity has kept itself going for centuries on hope alone, and has perpetrated all manner of naughtiness in the meantime.

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

What's funny is, when I made 'Saw,' I got accused of being a fascist, when I made 'Insidious,' I got accused of being godless, and now I made the 'Conjuring' films, and I'm accused of being too much God.

I think that religion is incredibly cruel, and I think that my biggest problem with being vegetarian, usually, is other vegetarians.

A religion that cannot stand a little laughter must be a very rotten one.

One of my most often repeated quips was the one I made when former Presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon stood by each other at a White House event. 'There they are,' I said. 'See no evil, hear no evil, and . . . evil.'

[On Malcolm Muggeridge:] He thinks he was knocked off his horse by God, like St. Paul on the road to Damascus. His critics think he simply fell off it from old age.

You gave me your curse, holy Fathers. I give you a blessing: May you be as moral and religious as I am.

Buddha says: "Do not flatter your benefactor!". Let one repeat this saying in a Christian church : it immediately purifies the air of everything Christian.

A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

[Hawthorne''s] pious blame is a chuckle of praise all the while.

Sir, he [Bolingbroke] was a scoundrel and a coward: a scoundrel for charging a blunderbuss against religion and morality; a coward, because he had not resolution to fire it off himself, but left half a crown to a beggarly Scotsman to draw the trigger at his death.

One had better put on gloves before handling the New Testament. The presence of so much filth makes it highly advisable.