Patton Oswalt Quotes

If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor, you can't go - I guess there's forms of it.

I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.

As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.

As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.

Standup is more me talking the entire time. There's definitely an exchange of energy because that room, that audience, is giving back.

I first wanted to be a comedian when I was six or seven and my dad showed me Laurel and Hardy's "Perfect Day" on tv.

I'm not a natural comedian, as an artist. I studied comedy growing up. I would watch Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, all day.

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine!

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

I'm not a broad comedy guy. I've been funny in movies, but I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who's sometimes funny.

If you're a stand-up, you're more or less yourself.

You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I'll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.

I love comedy. If I could be a comedian - well, I probably would not take that job because it seems really hard, but I wish I could be.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted to be a veterinarian or an architect. I wanted to be in a band, and for some reason I could understand how you could be in a band because I had guitars and all my friends played music. Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued.