Chelsea Peretti Quotes

I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.

Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.

I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.

I've been doing comedy in New York since 2007.

I really love standup, and I really love writing standup.

Ellen DeGeneres is great. She has this natural style, and she makes comedy look so easy.

Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!

Seinfeld has his way of telling jokes - and I'm not comparing myself to Seinfeld, his genius is observing the small details of everyday life and finding humor in it.

I guess I prefer the laughs. I couldn't do a whole set of just shocks, but I like throwing a fastball inside every now and then to keep people on their toes.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

Genuinely love doing standup and I'm a comedian first, so for me what makes my standup special is the fact that I don't have to adapt or adjust. I am who I am. I appeal to everyone, hence in the movie doing a world tour.

Sometimes I get the feeling that there are orgies going on all over new York City, and somebody says, 'Let's call Desmond,' and somebody else says, 'Why bother? He's probably home reading the Encyclopedia Britannica.'

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

Ronnie Barker was a straightforward man who had this extraordinary ability to make the nation laugh

I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. In honor of Cinco de Mayo, mayor Bill de Blasio is filling all New York City potholes with guacamole.

My hair is always at its best in New York. I don't know what's in the water. It could be mousse.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.