Phyllis Diller Quotes

I've had two terrific relationships, but both ended in marriage.

I hate Valentine's day. It is a day for nothing but disappointment.

I feel sorry for the man who marries you... because everyone thinks you're sweet and you're not.

There used to be a cruel joke that said Brazil is the country of the future, and always will be; Obama is the Brazil of today's politicians. He has obviously achieved nothing.

I suffered, I really suffered, with all three of my husbands. And I tried damn hard with all three, starting each marriage certain that it was going to last until the end of my life. Yet none of them lasted more than a year or two.

I've always had horrible Valentine's Days.

First love is first love, first marriage is first marriage, disappointment is disappointment.

I don't want to suggest that matrimony was necessarily a tragic affair - some of our neighbours' marriages seemed quite functional, if somewhat routine; nevertheless, in the workaday world, it is wedlock that is most likely to offer the occasion for life-threatening disappointment.

Marriage was probably the worst mistake I ever made in my life.

It's a source of great sadness to me that my father died without having seen me do anything worthwhile. He was constantly having to make excuses for me.

Their lives have been largely defined by failure and you would think the prospect of marriage, which is supposed to be bountiful and hopeful, it's just really another kind of tangential thing in his life.

Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames.

Jo left me a few months ago for 10 days. I get this note: I'll come back when the real Ronnie comes back.

The world has not promised anything to anybody

It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

I may or may not have disappointed Malaika as a boyfriend and a husband, but not as the father of her child.

Nothing is worse than having your dreams come true.

I broke up with my first girlfriend because I was out of love. I was crushing so hard on her for a whole year, and I finally I got to be with her, and the interest vanished. I'm a terrible person. I was 17, and she was in my class.

It's the worst thing to fall in love with someone who will never stop disappointing you.

Lookin back on it at least my pride is in tact cause we said no strings attached and I still got tied up in that

Hope died as I was led unto my marriage bed.

If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.

We fell in love quickly. We got married very quickly. It didn't work out the way we wanted it to. There's nothing more to it.

I was tired of men. Hanging in doorways, standing too close, men who made you love them then changed their minds.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.