Jack Benny Quotes

I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.

I don't mind being accused of being a bad comedian and I don't even mind being accused of being a bad talk-show host, but I never want to be accused of being an arrogant, pompous showbiz asshole.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

I've always got the road. Stand-up makes you so autonomous and self-sufficient that it really helps with that part of show business.

Comedy club audiences pay up to $25 per person and another fistful of cash to cover a two-drink minimum, so when they don't like something, they let you know - with silence.

If you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are.

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

You can laugh at me, but I understand show business.

My turn on 'Letterman' turned out to be a blast. The audience were delightful, and they lapped up my silly Kiwi humour. Even the big man himself came over to shake my hand after my set.

When Logo offered me my own comedy special, I said, 'Let's make it a double.'

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

I remember seeing Eddie Murphy RAW and seeing people laughing and having a good time and that was the same response I was getting so I thought I was on to something.

I remember when I got my first Adam Sandler CD and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life, and continues to be.

First tell the truth, then give your opinion.

If I'm an ass, I should say so. If I don't, somebody else will. If I say it first, that disarms them.

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.

Andy Samberg is the only person I've ever seen do an impression of me, and I didn't think it was that accurate. I'd like to see somebody else impersonate me, especially if they can do a good job.

This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.

Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.

The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.

I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

Will you tell me my fault, frankly as to yourself, for I had rather wince, than die. Men do not call the surgeon to commend the bone, but to set it, Sir.

Comedians are always going to be in the showbiz middle class, you're not Brad Pitt; you're never going to be Sam Rockwell or Shia LaBeouf or Leo DiCaprio. You're a comic.

You know, if you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are. I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair.