Phyllis Diller Quotes

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

I'm about to turn 60, and most of my memories reside in the brain of my wife.

I married an archaeologist because the older I grow, the more he appreciates me.

I was always anti-marriage. I didn't understand monogamy. I couldn't figure out how that could last. And then I met Bryn and I started to understand the beauty of constancy and history and change and going on the roller coaster with someone - of having a partner in life.

I think sometimes in relationships, ladies like having a man who takes care of them, nurtures them. If you can't find it in a man your own age, you find it in somebody who is older.

As you get older, you realize it's work. It's that fine line between love and companionship. But passionate love? I'd love to know how to make that last.

Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat.

What intrigued me about him was his intelligence, his humor. I'd been all over the world. I had started a career. At that point, I had sort of committed myself to not committing. I didn't want to have to raise a husband, but he was so sophisticated and so funny.

What I tell a girl is, your six-pack hot boyfriend right now, in six years, will be balding and maybe have a paunch. But I make you laugh every five minutes today, and I'll make you laugh 20 years from now; that's not going to go away.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

I'd date someone younger or older; age doesn't matter to me. Or looks, really - it's all about maturity.

Middle -age is the time of life, that a man first notices - in his wife.

The lover of life makes the whole world into his family, just as the lover of the fair sex creates his from all the lovely women he has found, from those that could be found, and those who are impossible to find.

I figure no matter how old you are, it's always going to be your first marriage and no life experience is going to make you a better judge of who you should marry.

Marriage is... OK, it's rooted and grounded on love and attraction.

Those first few years of marriage, before the war interrupted all our lives, Phil and I had a very happy time. I grew up considerably, mostly thanks to him.

One of the paramount reasons for staying attractive is so you can have somebody to go to bed with.

As I grow older I spend more time with my wife, and gradually my interest in the woman's world is growing.

The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

After marriage, the other man's wife looks more beautiful.

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way.

I don't want to go into a marriage just because of my age - too many people make that mistake. But of course I'd like to be married one day - I dream of having children because I adore kids so, so much.

Girls marry for love. Boys marry because of a chronic irritation that causes them to gravitate in the direction of objects with certain curvilinear properties.

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.