Hannibal Buress Quotes

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

I think astrology is annoying bullshit-which is so Libra of me

The harder you tried not to think, the more you thought.

In my next life I want to be a pessimist. Then other people could spend all their time cheering me up.

I think people hate me pretty much across the board, which is nice.

An optimist in Canada is someone who think things could be worse

Just as I sit down to meditate, all the vilest subjects in the world come up. The whole thing is nauseating. Why should the mind think thoughts I do not want it to think? I am as it were a slave to the mind.

We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence.

The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

Not even a hand-stitched suit could hide a body gone ruinously to seed. I was tempted to offer some fashion advice, but I didn't think he'd welcome the news that this year, bellies are being worn inside the trousers.

I love pity parties. I wish I'd brought hats.

I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.

Just don't die for me, you won't be doing me any favour !

If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.

You forgot the ‘my precious,’” Anna said dryly. “If you want to act like a freaking nutcase, you have to do it right.

I felt wise and cynical as all hell.

I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.

Stay out of my mind. You certainly weren't invited.' Her hands went to her hips. 'And just for the record, your mind needs to be washed out with soap! Half the things you think we're going to do are never going to happen. I could never look at you again.

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger

Why is the mind incapable of deciding its own subject matter? Why when we desperately want to think of one thing to we invariably think of another?

One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed.

Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about someone else.

Law of Attraction won't let you remove a thought. You cannot concentrate upon NOT thinking about something hard enough to stop thinking about it! For the more you decide you will not think about it, the more you think about it!...Think about that.