George Carlin Quotes

I'm bad at a ton of things. I'm bad at sitting still. I'm bad at basketball. My worst habit is that while people are talking, I will already be thinking three other things. It's rude. Sometimes if the person is very in tune and they notice, they're like "Where are you right now?"

I sometimes worry about my short attention span, but not for long.

Satire is, by definition, offensive. It is meant to make us feel uncomfortable. It is meant to make us scratch our heads, think, do a double-take, and then think again.

If nothing is serious anymore, then there's nothing to satirize.

I've got rid of the ADD, but I do find it hard to concentrate sometimes.

I am constantly distracted by my own brain when I've completed a paragraph, realized I don't know what comes next, and start opening a browser tab without even realizing it.

These distraction-oholics. These focus-ophobics.

Some people think they are such geniuses and just thought of that. They think they are so smart, like they say "All this talk about Kurt Vile and no one asks him where he got his stupid name from," or, "No one asks where he stole his name from." And I'm like, "Oh, you're a genius."

Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.

Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?

Shouts of dismay rose as the red flesh splattered against the table. It was only a tomato, but one would think I was pulping a decaying heart by the noise the big, strong FIB officers were making.

I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think

Zombieland reference," Jon said, nodding. "How do you know that? That's a thousand-year-old reference!" I looked at laura. "I can't think of a single movie from a thousand years ago." "Uh...Betsy..." "Don't say it." You know how you don't know how stupid something is until you hear yourself say it? That happened to me a lot.

I used to drum on the table at school. I think a handful of my school reports say that they thought I might have some kind of ADD.

When I want to be reminded of stupidity, especially my own, I turn on the TV.

I love country music, but I find it very hard to take it seriously. I also think a lot of country music is sung with the tongue in cheek, so I do it tongue in cheek.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

The main claim to fame, I think, of Bernie Sanders - who I've never met; I'm sure he's a pleasant guy - [is that] he's certainly not stupid.

That's sort of what I wanted to make fun of a little bit with Don Jon. And I think oftentimes, if you're going to talk about a sort of substantial topic like this, the best way to do it is with a sense of humor.

I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.

The modern world seems to make fun of people in a lot of ways.

The distracted person, too, can form habits.