Garrison Keillor Quotes

It was too much Tequila, or not quite enough.

That is the remarkable thing about drinking: it brings people together so quickly, but between night and morning it sets an interval again of years.

Sometimes the hangover provides inspiration.

Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand. Who's wine, what wine, where the hell did I dine?

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?

What was I drinking last night? Furniture polish?

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

I've never, ever tasted beer.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Well it's hard to remember who, but I drunk dial a lot.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

There's nothing like taking two flights when you have a horrible hangover. It's bad when people can see actual alcohol seeping out of your disgusting pores.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

I spent a lot of time between bars like this.

You come home, and you party. But after that, you get a hangover. Everything about that is negative.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

At the third cup, wine drinks the man.

Most of the males have a strong passion for strong drink, especially rum.

Wine is wont to show the mind of man.

I drank too much, only champagne.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I like whiskey and I like vodka, too. And beer.

I drink a lot of beer.

God,” I moaned. “Do they use that stuff as rocket fuel?” “No one made you keep drinking it.” “Hey, don’t get preachy. Besides, I had to be polite.” “Sure,” she said.