Daniel Handler Quotes

That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

It is impossible to insure that there is a zero percent chance of any kind of foodborne illness anytime anyone eats anywhere.

As a matter of fact, most cases of food poisoning are never linked back to their source.

Although oyster mushrooms have been studied extensively and support health in a number of ways, it is also extremely important to always cook oyster mushrooms!

I think the biggest thing is clean as you go. Wash all your knives, cutting boards, dishes, when you are done cooking, not look at a sink full of dishes after you are done. Cleaning as you go helps keep away cross contamination and you avoid having food borne bacteria.

An instant-read thermometer is your best bet for making sure that meat and fish are cooked to the proper temperature.

I think many cooks are afraid of undercooked meats. A good thermometer is a cook's best friend.

My mother accidentally gave me food poisoning. She fed me baby carrots for a snack before Christmas dinner - but they had expired in June! I threw up for the next 24 hours.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I'm just angry at the sort of things that are winding up in ground beef. I'm angry that other people - mainly children - are going to be sickened by eating a hamburger.

The symptoms of food poisoning often don't appear for days after the contaminated meal was eaten. As a result, most cases of food poisoning are never properly diagnosed.

Contaminated food is a major cause of diarrhea, substantially contributing to malnutrition and killing about 2.2 million people each year, most of them children.

Your good friend has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.

A nuclear-power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year.

I am deeply sorry that people got sick from eating at our restaurants. It's the worst thing that can happen.

If we want our bodies to be healthier, we need to get off the salmonella, e-coli, mad cow, assembly-line toxic hell train! God I love that statement. What did I just say?

Gonzo narrows his eyes. 'How often do you clean that thing?' 'Every night,' the waitress answers. Her smile is strained. 'That's it? Do you know how long it takes for Listeria to grow under those hot lamps, even with ice?' Here we go. 'It can happen in just five hours. Five hours and you've got the salad bar of death!' The waitress looks confused. 'From Listerine?

You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?

Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

The issue I have is that the cooking techniques are up for questioning, today more than ever before. If you waterbath beef at 22-degrees for 12 hours, it may taste fantastic, but if you don't cook food at a high enough temperature, you risk not killing the bacteria. Things like that make me nervous of venturing into it.

And, you know, I don’t want to have to worry that she is going to get sick as the consequence of having, having her lunch.

Why would any sensible human being put meat filled with ammonia in the mouths of their children?

They figured out a way to control that hamburger disease. You dip the hamburger into the scalding hot coffee before eating.

The Centers for Disease Control says that there are 76 million cases of food poisoning in the United States every year, 350,000 hospitalizations, and 5,000 deaths. Is that a lot or a little? Well, it depends on how you look at it.

If I took my turkey out of the refrigerator and, like, threw it in a dumpster or drug it down the street in New York for a while [it will make people sick].