Will Arnett Quotes

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.

The best way to make the most serious point in the world is to be as unserious as possible.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

I don't really find things funny unless they're deeply tragic at the same time. I think if you're funny just for the sake of being funny, it's just frivolous nonsense. To me, all the best comic plays have been written about really serious and rather bleak things.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.'

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

Some sarcasm is best told simply.

When I'm playing comedy, I never do 'jokes.' Sometimes I'll deliver a line in a way I think is more likely to get a laugh, but all the best comedy is played straight. What's funny is the way it hits the world around it or the way it hits the other characters.

There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.

Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit.

I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.

Satire works best when it hews close to the line between the outlandish and the possible - and as that line continues to grow thinner, the satirist's task becomes ever more difficult.

I love my funny poems, but I'd rather break your heart. And if I can do both in the same poem, that's the best.

There is an old story about the mother who had two sons. One went to sea, and the other became vice-president, and neither was ever heard of again.

So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.

I enjoyed your article, but I preferred my own.

This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.

Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes--unfortunately--it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do. Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes.

This is a stupid song and that's the way I like it.

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome.

H is for Hardware store: I'd rather go to the hardware store than the opera. And I like the opera.

There's that great Bill Hicks line - the comedian - where he says, "Are you proud to be an American?" "I don't know. It's just where my parents had sex."