Brandon Sanderson Quotes

Let's admit it; the only use for complaining is to make people laugh.

How long could we do this before you started bitching?" Simon said as we turned down another street of apartment buildings. "What?" "We've been walking for two days now, and you haven't complained once. It's damned annoying, you know." I looked at him. "If you don't complain, then I can't complain. Not without sounding like a whiny little snot.

Jokes are grievances.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

I can't be serious, apparently.

Life would be so colourful if only I had a drink problem.

If I had a sense of humor, I'd be laughing right now.

What took you so long?” Will asked when Evie came panting into the room. He and Jericho had assembled a stack of books, which they were tucking into Will’s attaché case. “I walked to Jerusalem for the Bible. I knew you’d want an original,” Evie snapped.

Right," Sadie said. "And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death.

I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture." —Bella Swan

He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.' 'What you got on it?' the girl said. 'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.' 'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely.

I love President Bush. I think it's great we have a president who always looks like he's looking directly into the sun.

He decided there was no point in telling her he'd looked in the fridge and seen none of these things. There'd just be some variation of his mother's standard crack about Male Refrigeration Blindness Syndrome.

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.

I used to attend scientific experiments when I was a girl at school. They invariably ended in an explosion. If Mr. Jennings will be so very kind, I should like to be warned of the explosion this time. With a view to getting it over, if possible, before I go to bed.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

My face felt like my normal face, as if that part of me hadn’t transformed into a bird. [Fine, Sadie. Call me the Carter-headed chicken. Happy?]

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

The Doctor: I've seen bigger. Clara: Really? The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny.

Are you on drugs?" "No." "Maybe you should be.