Chris Rock Quotes

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

The truth is, I've never thought of myself as the Michael Jordan of comedy. And that's a good thing. You know why? Because I'm not. Wasn't that Richard Pryor? Yes, it was. I know what I am: I'm funny!

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

No good at life, but very funny sometimes with the commentary.

I knew Steve Carell because of Little Miss Sunshine, so I felt very comfortable with him. Maybe he always does it to guest stars, but I felt as though he was being particularly funny with me, and particularly stretching the boundaries of improvisation. He's such a comic genius. I hate to use that word, because everyone throws it around, but Steve Carell is channeling something.

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

Comedy is a meritocracy. If you are funny, you are there. If you are not, you are out.

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

Anyone who is funny and doesn't take herself to seriously is attractive to me

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

As a young girl, if you do something funny - especially if you're Jewish - someone says, 'Oh, have you seen Gilda Radner?'

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.

I might play a lot of dramatic roles, but I'm really sort of silly.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

I'd done light comedy. In some quarters, About Last Night... is a romantic comedy. So it wasn't like I'd been doing Sophie's Choice my entire career. But for whatever reason, nobody had really given me the room or the ability to be out and out funny. And Lorne [Michaels] and Mike [Myers] and Chris [Farley] and Dana [Carvey], that crop really helped me do that.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

I'm a very bad impersonator so I can't even remember if I've ever done a sports person. I mean, I think I was Bruce Jenner once but I don't think I said anything in the sketch. I was just sitting there in a like a bronze tracksuit. No dialogue. They don't trust me with dialogue.