Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

I love such mirth as does not make friends ashamed to look upon one another next morning.

Nothing important has ever come out of San Francisco, Rice-a-Roni aside.

When I was doing 'Smile,' I was looking back at pictures of myself and going, 'Thank goodness I couldn't do the sprayed-bangs thing! Everybody's so embarrassed by that hairstyle now, but I was never cool enough to pull it off!'

I'd feel guilty just doing gags.

I was a teen star. That's disgusting enough.

A very beautiful young woman once asked me to sign her breasts. That was back when I was a hip young thing - it's been all downhill since then.

I suppose I sometimes used to act like I wasn't a human being... Sometimes I look back at myself and remember things I used to say, or my hairstyle, and I cringe.

When I look back at the way that I was in that documentary I cringe.

It wasn't my finest hour. It wasn't even my finest hour and a half.

For some reason, I skipped the original 'Star Wars.' I don't know why, and I'm very embarrassed.

I go through my comments sometimes, and I'll just take snapshots of the terrible ones and send them to my friends. I know it's horrible, but they actually make me laugh. They make my day.

I was neeeever a cool kid.

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

I had a vague memory of being that ridiculous at one time. Let he who hath never worn parachute pants cast the first stone.

Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah, and apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives for you.

People seem to really enjoy laughing at me.

In shame there is no comfort but to be beyond all bounds of shame.

This was the way the night had cashed in. Choices had been made and things happened, and here we were. It was sad, and funny. My life was made of this. Stuff like this.

The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.

Maybe they would look at each other and feel some odd yearning, but neither of them would know why. They would want to stop, but they would be embarrassed, and neither would know what to say. They would go their separate ways. Who knew? Maybe that happened every day to people who'd once loved each other.

I think that phrase is the most horrible phrase in the English language - 'I don't know.' It's terribly embarrassing.

I am ashamed every day, and more ashamed the next.

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game.