Bill Maher Quotes

I consider it a great homage to public opinion to find every scoundrel nowadays professing himself a liberal.

The political arena is the funniest.They [politicians] are always pretending to change, but they never change. They're the best actors and actresses in the world. They've always been hilarious since the beginning of time.

The two pillars of 'political correctness' are, a) willful ignorance, and b) a steadfast refusal to face the truth.

Voting for New Labour is like helping an old lady across the road while screaming 'Get a move on!' Even the Tories, who you could once rely on to be completely heartless are pretending to care.

If Milo [Yiannopoulos] were a liberal, he could say whatever and then some, and he wouldn't be addressing Conservative Political Action Conference, he would be emceeing the Oscars.

He spent more time on the road to Damascus than a Syrian camel driver. And we thought nobody could fill John Kerry's flip-flops! ... [Romney's record was] anything but conservative until he changed all the light bulbs in his chandelier in time to run for President.

If I had died it would have been even better for you political bratchnies, would it not, pretending and treacherous droogs as you are.' But all that came out was er er er.

You have plenty of liberals out there who are all for the cops raiding their political enemies, they're all for the cops doing whatever they have to do to get whatever goods they want on their political enemies. And yet the Patriot Act comes, oh, you can't do it, it's an invasion of privacy. And yet in some cases they don't care about other people's privacy. Privacy is irrelevant to them depending on what the target is.

The difference between a politician and a pickpocket is that a pickpocket doesn't always get indignant when you tell him to keep his hands to himself.

A certain secret jealousy of the British Minister is always lurking in the breast of every American Senator, if he is truly democratic; for democracy, rightly understood, is the government of the people, by the people, for the benefit of Senators, and there is always a danger that the British Minister may not understand this political principle as he should.

Only a Bush could answer a 'yes' or 'no' question two different ways and be wrong both times.

Jimmy used to drink liquor. Now he's running for president and he drinks Scotch, and I've never trusted a Scotch-drinker.

I remember when I was a child, being taken to the celebrated Barnum's Circus, which contained an exhibition of freaks and monstrosities, but the exhibit on the program which I most desired to see was the one described as ‘The Boneless Wonder’. My parents judged that the spectacle would be too demoralizing and revolting for my youthful eye and I have waited fifty years, to see The Boneless Wonder sitting on the Treasury Bench.

George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.

Dr Urbino did not agree: in his opinion a Liberal president was exactly the same as a Conservative president, but not as well dressed.

A politician is not as narrow-minded as he forces himself to be.

I do believe that the party has a bunch of elephants running around in donkey clothes.

Politicians love change, but of details only.

Washington has a mysterious power to turn perfectly reasonable, wholesome, well-meaning human beings into equivocating crooked gasbags.

I'm many things, most of 'em bad. But a man of political principles? No.

A great many political speeches are literary parricides; they kill their fathers.

Stick me in a confessional and ask the question: Sir, if you had the authority, would you forbid smoking in America? You'd get a solemn and contrite, Yes.

Donald Trump is attacking President Obama's background. And I said, 'Wait a minute, Trump also is from a mixed background. He's half jack and half ass.'

A politician is required to listen to humbug, talk humbug, condone humbug. The most we can hope for is that we don't actually believe it.