Jimmy Fallon Quotes

I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.'

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

If you want to go somewhere, goto is the best way to get there.

I'd like to have a perfect sense of direction. I could get lost with a GPS strapped to my arm.

I've been touring a lot, and I don't always know how to get around. Google Maps on the iPhone is pretty helpful with that.

I feel like I'm a New Yorker because I really know the city. I actually tell the drivers where to go - I have this bad habit, I always question the drivers. I do that all the time because I feel like I know the best way, when really it's like, 'Yo, man, shut up. This dude does this every day of his life.'

I use maps in my phone a great deal because I can't tell left from right. Having easy access to maps has given me a completely different life. When I first moved to London, I couldn't get anywhere and spent so much money on cabs because I couldn't figure it out.

When lost, I look for gas stations for counsel.

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.

We follow instructions to my destination, a chamber for my preparation.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

Where's the man who counsel can bestow, still pleased to teach, and yet not proud to know.

Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdales?" And three is "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound.

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

A good mentor offers directions and driving tips from the back seat. You still have to drive the car.

Whoever travels without a guide, needs two hundred years for a two-day journey.

When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Wandering in a vast forest at night, I have only a faint light to guide me. A stranger appears and says to me: 'My friend, you should blow out your candle in order to find your way more clearly.' This stranger is a theologian.

I don't look so much for tips. But when they interview a Nicklaus or a Palmer, I'm all ears. I listen to guys who have done it, been successful for years.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

I don't know of any wrong road to Dictionopolis, so if this road goes to Dictionopolis at all it must be the right road, and if it doesn't it must be the right road to somewhere else, because there are no wrong roads to anywhere. Do you think it will rain?